🛡 Safety Centre

Writing to a stranger on the other side of the world is one of the last genuinely open-hearted things you can do online. We would like to keep it that way, which means being honest about the risks and precise about how they are handled. This page is long on purpose.

What we do

Adults and minors never mix

This is the rule the whole site is built around. Members under 18 see only other members under 18 — in discovery, in search, in every member grid on the site. An adult account cannot see a minor's profile, cannot find it by URL, and cannot message it. It is not a filter you can switch off; it is enforced in the query itself, everywhere.

Every profile photo is reviewed

Photos are checked before they go live. Stock images, photos of celebrities, pictures obviously lifted from elsewhere and anything explicit are rejected. A member whose photo raises questions is flagged and asked to prove who they are before they can carry on.

Verification

Any member can earn a Verified badge by recording a short video showing they are the person in their photos. It is optional — plenty of lovely pen pals never bother — but it is the single strongest signal on the site, and worth looking for when someone new writes to you. Verification videos are seen only by our moderators and are never shown to other members.

Locked albums

Your photo album is locked by default. Another member can only ask for access after the two of you have exchanged 25 messages, and you can refuse. Nobody browses your photos on day one.

Blocking is mutual and silent

Block someone and they vanish: they cannot see your profile, cannot find you in discovery, and cannot write to you. You stop seeing them too. They are never told, and you never need to explain yourself — not to them and not to us.

Reports reach a person

Every profile and every letter has a report button. Reports go to a human moderator with the material attached. We act on what we find: hiding content, restricting features, requiring re-verification, or disabling the account. Cases involving a minor are actioned immediately and reported onward where appropriate.

Your letters stay where you can control them

Blocking and reporting only work inside PenPalConnect. That is the real reason we nudge you when a new contact rushes to move the conversation to another app: off the platform, nobody can help you, and the person asking usually knows it.

What you can do

Share slowly, in this order

A good rule: give away nothing in your first letter you would mind a stranger knowing, and let each further step take weeks rather than hours.

1. First name, country, interests — safe from the start.
2. City, job or school, photos of where you live — after a few real exchanges.
3. Social media, phone number, video calls — once you actually know each other.
4. Home address, full name, travel dates — months in, and only if you want to.

The warning signs

Almost every bad experience on a pen pal site starts with at least one of these:

• Speed. Declarations of deep feeling in the first week. Real friendship is slower and duller than that.
• Money, in any form. A stuck parcel, a hospital bill, a visa fee, a customs charge, a gift card, an investment "opportunity", a crypto wallet. There is no version of this that is genuine. Not one.
• Pressure to move platform. Immediate insistence on WhatsApp, Telegram or email, before you have exchanged anything real.
• Refusing to video call, ever, while claiming to be devoted to you.
• A story that shifts. The job, the city or the age quietly changes between letters.
• Sexual talk you did not invite, or a request for photos of any kind.
• Anyone who mentions being under 18 while writing to you as an adult — stop and report immediately, do not investigate it yourself.

If you see one of these: stop replying, block, and report. You owe a stranger nothing, including a goodbye.

Sending real post

Exchanging physical letters is the loveliest part of this hobby, and it means giving someone your address. Wait until you are sure. If you want to start earlier, a PO box or poste restante address costs little and keeps your home private. Never put money or valuables in an envelope, and check your country's customs rules before sending food, seeds, plants or cosmetics.

Meeting in person

It happens, and it can be wonderful. If you go: meet in a public place, tell someone you trust where you will be and when you will check in, arrange your own travel and accommodation, keep your phone charged, and never let anyone else hold your passport, documents or return ticket. Video call before you fly.

For parents

Members aged 13 to 17 write only with other 13-to-17-year-olds — no adult can reach them. They are never shown personalised advertising. Talk to your child about the list above, ask to see their profile, and make sure they know that telling you about an uncomfortable letter will never get them into trouble. If you want an account removed, email us and we will do it.

For teachers

The classroom program is a separate, walled-garden version of the site. Students sign in with a class code and a PIN — no email addresses, no public profiles, nothing indexed by search engines, no advertising at all. You can switch on approval mode so every letter waits for your OK before it is delivered. See the classroom page for how it works.

Reporting something urgent

Use the report button on the profile or letter in question — that reaches us fastest and brings the evidence with it. For anything that cannot wait, email [email protected] with the member's profile link. If someone is in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services first; in the EU that is 112.