📮 Sending postcards and letters abroad

There is something a message on a screen cannot do that a postcard can: arrive. It sits in a letterbox, it has travelled, it carries a stamp from somewhere else and handwriting that belongs to one person. Many pen pal friendships that begin online eventually want that. This guide covers how to send post abroad — and, just as importantly, when to.

First: when to exchange addresses

Your home address is the most sensitive thing you can give a pen pal, and once it is given it cannot be taken back. On PenPalConnect we ask members never to share an address in a letter, and the site reminds you of that above conversations with anyone who has not verified themselves. That is not because sending post is a bad idea. It is because the decision deserves more thought than a single message.

A sensible rule is to wait until the correspondence has been going for months, not weeks, and you genuinely feel you know the person. Some people never give their home address at all and use a work address or a post office box instead, which most national postal services offer for a modest yearly fee. For anyone under eighteen, exchanging addresses is a decision for the family, not for the teenager alone.

If you want to send post without anyone sharing an address, there are other options. Several postcard-exchange communities work by sending cards to strangers through the service rather than between friends, and our own Postcard Wall invites adult members to post a card to us, which we scan and pin to a world map for everyone to read.

Addressing it so it arrives

Most international post that goes missing does so because of the address. Every country has its own conventions, and the safest approach is to copy the address exactly as your pen pal writes it — including the order of the lines, which differs a great deal around the world. A few rules apply almost everywhere:

• Write the destination country on the last line on its own, in capital letters, and in English or French (the two working languages of international post). "JAPAN", not "Nippon".
• Write the rest of the address in the destination country's own format and, where possible, its own script. A letter to Japan can carry the address in Japanese above the word JAPAN; the sorting office at your end only needs to read the country.
• Include the postcode exactly as given. In many countries it is the single most important part of the address.
• Write clearly, in ink, and leave space around the address for the postal service's own labels and barcodes.
• Put your return address on the back of an envelope, or on the top left of the front, if you want undeliverable post to come back to you. On a postcard it is optional, and many people leave it off.

Postage

Postcards and standard letters can go almost anywhere in the world for a single international stamp or a small combination of stamps. Postal services group destinations into zones, and prices vary by zone and by weight, so the simplest way is to ask at a post office counter or use your postal service's online price finder. Buying stamps in advance means you can post from any postbox rather than queueing.

Keep an eye on thickness as well as weight. A letter that becomes lumpy — with a small gift, a badge or a folded drawing inside — may count as a large letter or a small parcel, which costs more and, in some countries, needs a customs declaration. Paper, photographs and drawings are almost always fine in a standard letter.

How long it takes

International post is slower than most people expect. Within a continent, a postcard often takes one to two weeks. Across the world, three or four weeks is normal, and six is not unusual around holidays or when the post travels through several countries. Some postcards have been known to arrive months late, stamped and tired, long after both people had given them up.

That slowness is part of the charm, but it helps to tell your pen pal when you have posted something, so that neither of you worries. Date your cards and letters, too — it is lovely to see how long something took, and it makes the correspondence easier to follow when two letters cross in the post.

What not to put in the envelope

Never send cash. It is the most common thing to go missing from international post, and in many countries it is not allowed. Avoid anything valuable, anything you cannot bear to lose, and anything that might be restricted at the other end — food, seeds, plants and anything containing batteries or liquids are often prohibited or held at customs. When in doubt, check the destination country's rules on your postal service's website, or simply send a letter and a photograph instead. They are what your pen pal really wants.

Making a postcard worth receiving

The space on a postcard is tiny, which is a good thing. It forces you to choose. Rather than trying to summarise your life, pick one moment: where you are writing it, what the weather is doing, what you ate for lunch. Small, specific details are what make a postcard memorable. If you have room, a single sentence about why you chose that particular card goes a long way.

Write the date and sign it. Use a pen that will not smudge if it rains, and consider a fine-tip pen if your handwriting is large. A few people like to decorate the address side with stickers or washi tape, which is lovely as long as it keeps well clear of the address and the stamp.

Choose the stamp thoughtfully, too. Many post offices sell special issues and commemorative stamps, and for a pen pal abroad a beautiful stamp from your country is half the present.

Writing a letter by hand

If you are sending a full letter, remember that handwriting is harder to read than type, especially for someone reading in a second language. Write a little larger than usual, leave space between lines, and print rather than join up if your joined-up writing is untidy. Numbering the pages helps when a letter runs long.

You do not need special paper. Plain paper, a card, even a page from a notebook will do. Some pen pals like to tuck small flat things into their letters — a ticket stub, a pressed leaf, a sweet wrapper from a brand that only exists in their country. These cost nothing, weigh nothing, and are often what people keep.

When post does not arrive

Occasionally, post just vanishes. It is disappointing, but it is rarely anybody's fault, and it is worth agreeing at the start that you will both let each other know when something arrives. If a card has not turned up after two months, it probably will not — send another and laugh about it. And if one ever does arrive a year later, as occasionally happens, you will have one of the best stories your correspondence will ever produce.